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Reallities of life

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by VivaKusadasi, Sep 19, 2004.

  1. A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.

    "Father, forgive me for I have Thinned."

    "You've Thinnned?"

    "Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."

    "Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."

    "Will that wash away me Thin?"

    "No, but it will get the silly smile off your face."
     
  2. Sue finds a Genie lamp and rubs it. Out comes the Genie and asks
    "Master you have released me from the lamp and I grant you three wishes, what would you like"
    Sue scratches her head, then answers
    "A bottle of Guinness that never gets empty." "Granted master"
    retorted the Genie and
    produced the bottle. Sue was delighted and got drunk on this one magic Guiness bottle for
    weeks then she remembered that she had two other wishes. She rubbed the lamp again and the Genie
    appeared.
    "Yes master, you have two more wishes, what would you like?"
    "You know that magic, never ending Guinness bottle"
    she asks the Genies.
    "Well, for my final two wishes, I'd like another two
    of them"
     
  3. haha there good :clap:
     
  4. Mella

    Mella Administrator Staff Member

    LOL!

    OMG DID YOU'S HEAR ABOUT THE IRISH ICE CREAM VAN???????

    It melted.


    I <3 THE IRISH
     
  5. cherry

    cherry Fan

    OH ENOUGH OF D IRISH JOKES :cheesy:
     
  6. cherry

    cherry Fan

    DID U HEAR WHAT HAPPENED VIVA WHEN HE LISTENED 2 THE MATCH....
    HE BURNED HES EAR
     
  7. Sootjuh

    Sootjuh Fan

    Bwaaaaahahahahaaa :) @ Cherry
     
  8. cherry

    cherry Fan

    I KNOW I TRY.....
     
  9. How can you identify an Irish pirate?

    He's the one with patches over both eyes.





    To be continued :razz:
     
  10. Paddy was picked up on a rape charge. He was placed in a lineup with ten
    other fellows and the accusing woman was escorted into the room.
    Paddy jumped forward, and screamed "That's her! That's her! Oi'd recognize
    her anywhere!"
     
  11. An Engilshman, a Scotsman and an Irishman went into a pub for a pint of Guinness one day. After
    being served a fly landed in each of their pints and stuck in the creamy heads.
    The Englishman pushed his pint away from him in disgust and proceeded to order another pint.
    The Scotsman simply fished the offending fly out with his finger and proceeded to drink his pint as if
    nothing had happened.
    The Irishman, eyes wide with anger grabbed the fly and held it over his pint shouting "SPIT IT
    OUT!!! SPIT IT OUT YOU BASTARAD!!!"
     
  12. cherry

    cherry Fan

    SHUT UP SHUT UP
    3 WOMEN WERE LINED UP TRAIN 4 THE FBI,
    AN ENGLISH WOMAN A TURKISH WOMAN AND AN IRISH WOMAN THEY HANDED THE ENGLISH WOMAN A GUN AND SAID WE WANT U 2 KILL UR HASBAND HES TIED UP SITTIN IN THAT ROOM, THE WOMAN TOUGHT ABOUT ABOUT IT AND SAID IM SORRY BUT I CANT DO IT,
    THEY THEN TURNED 2 THE TURKISH WOMAN BROUGHT HER 2 A ROOM AND AGAIN SAID THE SAME THING, THE WOMAN CAME OUT OF THE ROOM CRYING AND SAID IM SORRY.... I CANT KILL MY HUSBAND......
    THEN IT WAS THE IRISH WOMANS TURN SHE WENT IN THE ROOM 2 HER HUSBAND..... OUT SIDE ALL THEY COULD HEAR IS SCREEMS AND CRYIN... THE IRISH WOMAN CAME OUT AND SAID "THE STUPID GUN DIDNT WORK I HAD 2 BEET HIM 2 DEATH "
     
  13. hahahah :lol: they r really good jokes, would love to see more :super:
     
  14. You'll have more Charlotte. Two Irish for each day.
     
  15. God... Did I say Irish? I meant jokes.
    They are the same thing anyway. :razz: :razz:
     
  16. viva

    Hahahah :cheesy: well thanx, looking forward to reading them :clap:
     
  17. cherry

    cherry Fan

    WHATS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN VIVA AND A DRUG DEALER? VIVA CAN WASH HES CRACK AND SELL IT AGAIN ................
     
  18. cherry

    cherry Fan

    MY PRAYER......
    BEFORE I LAY ME DOWN 2 SLEEP,
    I PRAY 4 A MAN WHO IS NOT A CREEP!
    ONE WHO IS HANDSOME, SMART & STRONG,
    ONE WHOS WILLY IS THICK AND LONG!
    ONE WHO WILL MAKE LOVE UNTIL MY BODYS TWITCHEN, IN THE HALL THE LOO THE GARDEN OR KITCHEN!
    I PRAY THIS MAN WILL LOVE ME NO END,
    AND NEVER ATTEMPT 2 SHAG MY BESTFRIEND.
    AND AS I KNEEL AND PRAY BY MY BED,
    I LOOK AT THE WANKER U SENT ME INSTEAD!!!!
     
  19. Irishman went to a pet shop and asked how many budgies were in stock. "We have 99" replied the
    shop owner "Give us the lot" said the Irish man, paid for them and left. He went to a tailors shop and
    had 99 pockets sewn into a jacket, put a budgie in each pocket, went up to the Post Office Tower
    and jumped off. He hit the ground with an almighty smack and lay there groaning until a passer-by
    came and asked him what had happened. "I don't know sur" he replied "but that's the last time I try
    that budgie jumping"
     
  20. Susanc

    Susanc Addict

    wELL

    HAD HE GOT A COLD OR SOMETHING COS IT SOUNDED AS IF HIS NOSE WAS BLOCKED UP

    HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE


    :evil:
     

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