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Marrying A Turkish Man

Discussion in 'Talk about Turkey' started by Renee' L.K, Jun 28, 2011.

  1. peril

    peril Connoisseur

    I think this man is trying to say that foreign women are much more "low maintenance" than Turkish women - they tend to be more independant and responsible for themselves in every way, including financial. Turkish women(I think he is saying) want to rebel against the strictures of Turkish life, while maintaining the traditional obligations of a husband toward his wife - the best , most modern house with every convenience, the best and most expensive jewellery etc etc, while they sit at home enjoying it and the poor husband is out earning the money to pay for the loans he has taken out to provide these things. Western women (by and large) tend to have jobs and be amenable to sharing the burdens of life - earning a living, paying utilities and the mortgage etc etc. I could be wrong, but that seems to be what happens from my acquaintence with and observation of certain sectors of Turkish society. Of course he is admitting that Turkish men may try to be controlling of their wives, and may allow a girlfriend more license than a wife - boy is he in for a treat if he has married a western woman - particularly an Irish woman!
    KASTAMONU, lightenup and bebeimceyda like this.
  2. jasmina

    jasmina Expert

    I think that's a scewed view too. You can't judge women by their place of birth! I know plenty of highly educated Turkish women, who can and do take good care of themselves. It is this "everybody is the same" view that leads to racist attitudes towards women. Western women are sluts, Turkish women sit at home. Come on, we have to move past this! If I'm honest, I see more Western women sitting at home in Turkey than I see them sitting at home in my birth country. And I'm happy that I'm not surprised by highly educated emancipated Turkish women anymore. We have to judge individual women by their own abilities and personalities. If we don't, why would men?
  3. peril

    peril Connoisseur

    You may indeed see more western women sitting at home in Turkey than in Holland - many of these women are either retired or cannot work because they cannot get a work permit. I was trying to put what I took to be this man's views more intelligibly. I then gave my observations of certain sectors of Turkish society with which I am acquainted, qualifying it by stating that I could be wrong. I don't think that amounts to a "screwed view".You are , however, entitled to your own view, as is, indeed, everyone else.
    KASTAMONU likes this.
  4. Crescent

    Crescent Explorer

    It's not about place of birth, it's about their culture etc... European women are (I think so) more open and emancipated than Turkish. Maybe I'm wrong. :)
  5. jasmina

    jasmina Expert

    A male-female relationship depends on both the male and the female. It just rubs me the wrong way when a man makes it seem that he picked out his wife simply because she Western, instead of making clear he chose HER, not her place of birth. By the way, I see this with women as well. It seems some women go to Turkey simply because they like to have a Turkish boyfriend/man. I don't get it. I fall in love with the person, not because they have a nice tan or something, or the country has a latin-lover reputation. But it is those relationships that don't last long either. The people that last the longest are the people who like eachother, not the idea of a cultural heritage.
    dee.A likes this.
  6. ladynancy

    ladynancy Explorer

    i am happy that i found this forum..I have met a Turkish man last year in my place, he was in a business trip. We have kept talking via iNternet but i didnt expect that i m going to be so attracted by him , i can t realize how it happened but i m sure that i do have feelings for him.. So i started to try to talk more about my feeling, but he was not straight forward, he was hidding the discussion every time i triied to ask him about his feeling.. he just answered that he really liked me and he was always attracted by me , but when i said that i miss him and i need to know if we will meet again , he just saod : me too, yes we will.

    I couldn t stand this situation because i really started to think too much about him , i had a serious discussion with him , i said that i m serious i need to know if he is too or he is just wasting time and chatting... he took 2 week to answer my message, and i didnt try to talk to him ... he just said that he reallly like me but he don t like distant relationship , because he had bad experience..so he knows that it won t work.

    I was angry and disappointed because i believed that he is the one .. it took me days me too to answer and to ask him why he continued to talk to me while he knew that i do have feeling for him ... No answer for days .. and later he started to talk to me like if we had never had this discussion .. i took again days to aswer .. but once i did i couldn t stoppppp, and we just start again over it ...

    after 2 months i just feel that i m in love with this man ! the issue is that i know he won t change , he is not a communicative person; he doesn t speak a lot about his feeling or his life... i was thinking also that he maybe has someone there , maybe married! i did ask him he just answer no ...

    Now, i don t know which attitude to adopt, i don t know how to go out of all this situation... the thing is i don t want to go out, i want him ! I was thinking to go to him, just to see how he will react to the suprise to see me and to have an answer .. but i m hesitating , i don t know what he will think ..

    Please help !
  7. LKA

    LKA Milas Melek

    ladynancy: my advice would be to give up on this man. He is clearly not as interested in you as you are in him. I would certainly not turn up to surprise him. What have you really to gain from this? He could of course be playing hard to get because you are doing all the running. This in itself could be part of his plan. Once he has you hooked he could possibly take advantage of you.

    I am not speaking as someone who is completely cynical about Turkish men, because I have been happily married to my Turkish husband for 14 years, but I have seen how a lot of men here behave, and in this case I would say to you, forget about him and move on. Find someone who is prepared to have an equal relationship with you. Good luck.
    peril and KASTAMONU like this.

    KASTAMONU Connoisseur

    Yes LadyNancy - I agree wth LKA (have also been with a Kurdish man for 8 yrs/married for just over two) I love him to bits tho' at times culture differences (in my opinion) rather than his - have tested us to the limits! I wouldn't change things for the World tho' - come over to Turkey for a holiday and have a fab time - a different romance could be on the menu and you could take a more objective view of men and life here during your stay! Good Luck!
    peril and LKA like this.
  9. Hooperman

    Hooperman Connoisseur

    Been married to my western gal for 26 years now and she never runs my bath for me, nor does she sow the holes in my socks or produce favours on command, i definately think the cultures of a Chorlton woman to a Urmston man are very much different and should be avoided in all cases.:)
    LKA and kibris like this.
  10. Brittney

    Brittney Explorer

    I too am an american woman who fell in love with a Turkish man. We have been on facebook skype everyday since we found eachother in October :). It is far easier for americans to get a visa to other countries than it is for foreigners to come to America. That is what has help up our meeting so far. Im a nurse here in the states and i cannot just leave my job for 2 weeks or more, they would fire me. I have spoken to an immigration lawyer that says in order for him to be granted a visa to the usa for a visit he would need to be more established there, aka a job for a long period of time with money in the bank or something that shows intent that he will return to Turkey and not live here illegally. At first I thought my being married before and having 2 children would never be accepted because he is muslim and has not been in a serious relationship with a woman and says that he wont until he is married. For those of you who think falling in love on the internet is crazy...i believe your true love doesnt have to be next door, they could be anywhere in the world! and this is a new generation :) besides skype is a bit more in depth than simply internet dating, at least you can visualize who you are falling in love with :D Hepinize iyi ┼čanslar!!

    KASTAMONU Connoisseur

    Good luck to you Brittney - I so sympathise with the Visa problems - if it's meant to be love will find a way! Do hope you can visit Turkey to see him - even for just holidays until things are more established for you. I have chosen to stay here in Turkey with my love - UK just like the US (if not worse these days on the Visa front....) I am lucky to be retired but we still struggle financially & my other half is away working more than he is here.
  12. Brittney

    Brittney Explorer

    Thank you for your kind words Kastamonu. You are so very correct, we keep telling ourselves if it is meant to be after all this waiting we will still have each other. He lives in Istanbul and i do hope to visit there in the near future. But when youre head over heels a day seems like a week a week like a month and so on...In the mean time i can learn Turkish and study the culture, its good enough for now. :)
    KASTAMONU likes this.
  13. redwine

    redwine Expert

    For me, I only need visa to go the US and some cash of course. Nothing else. This is valid for all Turks.
    The cost is not much, about $2,000 for the US visa papers and Turkish passport.
    Two way plane ticket should be about $3,000 from TR to US and some cash to spend. $10,000 should be enough for a few months in the US. In my opinion, all of these can be done with a $15,000 budget depending on the length of stay in the US.
    Both visa and having $15,000 to spend are not small problems for most Turks.

    As for the discussions above on Turkish women, I don't like Turkish women and I am a Turkish man. That's why I am single and will never marry a Turkish woman.

    Almost all Turkish women have 2 morbid obsessions:
    1- They think they have to protect their virginity before marriage.
    2- They think they to find a guy who is rich or at least has a house.

    They don't need a real human who listen, talk, feel and think. They look for a partner to establish a commercial corporate. They can marry almost any guy as long as the guy or his family is rich enough. They have lost most feelings and features that make a woman, woman. This is a problem of Turkish society altogether not only Turkish women. Turkish men are responsible for this result.

    While a western woman is a way much better and beautiful option why should I bother with extremely limited functions of a semi-beautiful Turkish woman?

    Religion is another problem for me. Most Turkish women are muslim, but I am atheist. I am really working hard to get rid of the pressure of Islam over my personal life. I don't want any extra religious pressure source in my life. A muslim woman can be the last thing that I want even if there is only 1 woman left in the World.
  14. margo

    margo Expert

    Love is a feeling, a very funny feeling, a feeling that you feel you never felt before and a
    feeling that you want to feel for evermore.
    When this happens you will go to the other side of the earth to be with that person
    who makes you feel like this. It can take any length of time but it is always worth the wait
    to be with the Love Of Your Life, we do not get second chances , live for today, to-morrow
    is promised to nobody.
    Maura01 and redwine like this.
  15. redwine

    redwine Expert

    Love can not be understood. We need a heart to feel it. We, men, don't have a right to feel love deeply. Because 2 emotional persons can lead to a disaster for themselves. Love is dangerous because of this. Someone must be in control and should not take decisions with heart. It's not easy. Being a man is not an easy task.
  16. kibris

    kibris Mancunian Crooner

    STAND BY YOOOOR MAAAAN GIVE HIM TWO ARMS TO CLING TO...............!!!!-------:eek::p:p:p
    peril and marydee like this.
  17. MrsB

    MrsB Explorer

    I'm sorry for your pain. I'm American my husband is Turkish and Kurdish. I don't understand your ex's motive but if he couldn't share his motives with you then it's better to know before you marry and start a family. He isn't the onlyan or the only Turkish man alive, you should love again when you're ready and focus on you now. The right man will find you. I love my husband and I would never let him go easily and he feels the same about me. You will find that too in your mate if that is what you desire.
  18. Lani

    Lani Explorer

    Anthony07 and KASTAMONU like this.
  19. Anthony07

    Anthony07 Welsh Prince

    Better to know this now, he can't think much about you can he, screw him and find somebody worth your love, you have been lucky finding this out now before children etc.

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